'Chapter 13 - The Single Life again'

I do not want to end these reminiscences on a note of sadness. I am now writing in February 1981, two and a half years after John's death, and I think I can safely say I have got over it. It was a terrible shock to me, being so sudden and unexpected. But Vanessa and John K. and the boys came up from Cornwall the same day, and helped me through the difficult days of arranging the funeral, sorting out John's clothes, seeing the solicitor and so on.

All through the rest of that summer and autumn my friends were very kind to me, inviting me out for meals or away for weekends, so that I hardly had time to feel lonely. But loneliness hit me in the dark days before Christmas, and again the following spring; and each time Vanessa came to my rescue. On the whole, however, I positively began to enjoy my freedom. (Three sentences omitted - David Hyde)

After his death I broke out in several directions, and the most exciting thing I did was to go to New Zealand to stay with Joan and Graham, early in 1979, and again for a month about two years later. This was a wonderful experience. I loved the country, the climate, the strangeness and yet familiarity of it all; but best of all was the re-union with Joan after forty-four years. Our shyness wore off after the first five or ten minutes, and it was as if we had never been parted. We had a very happy time.

But decisions had to be made. I decided to sell 4 Richmond Park road, which was much too big for me; but not to sell until I had found a suitable flat. It took me ten months to find the right flat, but when at last I did find it I had no doubts about it. Vanessa and John were a great help with the move. The flat was - is - in Victoria Square, Clifton, about half way between Richmond Park Road and Royal York Crescent; I did not even consider anything away from this neighbourhood. The new flat has a small garden of its own at the back (very important) and it is spacious and at the same time cosy; and, what is important for one's old age, it is very close indeed to the shops.

When I had got the flat and garden straight, depression seized me. I had no one to look after and no work to do, other than my domestic chores. The teaching job petered out, and I felt I was too old to start anything else, especially as I am not very mobile and very easily get tired. I was then seventy-one.

(one paragrah omitted - David Hyde)

I am now finishing this chapter in the summer of 1983, nearly five years after John's death. I have become used to living alone, and like it very much most of the time. The blank in my life has been gradually filled by travel and by friends. I have now been three times to New Zealand, but I do not think I shall go again, the chief reason being that I find Joan's husband, Graham, impossible to get on with.

Long-standing jealousy on both sides is, I think, at the root of the trouble; but he has always been a difficult man, liable to outbursts of bad temper and rudeness, and I am not the only person who thinks this. He was not too bad during my first visit, but his rudeness and my relations with him got worse and worse on each subsequent one. Joan understands the situation and will probably be relieved on the whole if I do not go a6ain, though it is sad to think she and I will probably never again see one another. Of course there is always the possibility that Graham might die soon, but although he is 89. He is in excellent health on the whole.

However, in 1981, 1982 and 1983 I made three short trips to Russia, thus fulfilling a very long-standing ambition. I first went there in 1936, and intended to go again, but then the Moscow Trials, the second world war, my marriage to John, the birth of Vanessa and my frequent varicose ulcers combined to prevent my going again until quite recently, although my interest in everything Russian has grown ever stronger, especially since I have been learning the language. I even have a link with some Russians living in Moscow - Misha and Flara Litvinov - and have twice been to see them in their flat, and been received very hospitably.

Misha and his sister Tanya, who lives in Brighton, are cousins of my New Zealand Joan on her mother's side - her cousin Ivy having married Maxim Litvinov before the Revolution - while I am Joan's cousin on her father's side, Uncle Frank having been my mother's brother. The link is thus tenuous and complicated, but it is reinforced by the fact that I've become friendly with Tanya, and very fond of her, though I do not see her often. It was Tanya who suggested my going to see Misha.

In Bristol and Bath I have a small group of friends who either are Russian or are Russophiles like myself. One of these, Diana Miller, went with me on two of these short Russian holidays, and was an ideal companion. These three short ho1idays were packed with interesting and stimulating experiences, and I certainly hope that this year's trip (1983) will not prove to be my last one.

(one paragraph omitted - David Hyde)

When I look back on my life, I feel I have achieved very little. It is also noticeable that public events are scarcely mentioned, although I have lived through two world wars and many far-reaching social changes. But my aim has been to write a sort of family chronicle from my own personal point of view, and I hope that as such it may give some pleasure.

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