'Chapter 14 - Old Age'

This is a postscript, written in January 1986. I shall be seventy-seven in April this year, so old age, which has come upon me gradually, has definitely come now. In addition to this gradual decline and loss of mobility, I have had a very bad varicose ulcer during the last few months and I am not out of the wood yet; but this enforced inactivity has made me realise that old age isn't as bad as I thought it would be - provided one has the use of one's faculties, and can still read and write and enjoy seeing one's friends. Perhaps even if I lose some of these things, life still won't be as bad as I now fear.

All my life I have dreaded the next stage, and it has always turned out to be better than I expected. There is something to be said for being a pessimist, because it means you keep getting pleasant surprises. As the hymn says:

Being laid up in bed for over five weeks, as I have been recently, has shown me how kind my friends are (I have hardly had three days without a visitor, and sometimes more than one) and also how lucky I am to have an absorbing hobby like reading Russian.

Looking back on the seven and a half years since John died, I see that I am very fortunate to have done quite a lot of travelling while I was still strong enough to undertake it. I've been to Russia three times, to New Zealand three times, to Greece and the Black Sea (including very short visits to Odessa and Yalta) and up the Rhine - not to mention two short trips to Holland.

I do not think I shall be able to travel abroad any more, but at least I have had seven years of very interesting visits to places that I wanted to see. I think, in spite of the varicose ulcers, I have had on the whole an enjoyable life. The really worthwhile things are having good relationships with one' s family and friends - so I thank God, if there is a God, for giving me these blessings.